6 Month Transformation Pt 2

Month 2 (September 2021)

No matter how hard things get, keep going, keep moving and stay focused. Obstacles are no doubt going to pop up, there may be a slip here and there or perhaps even pain itself, but you need to keep going, nobody is going to do it for you. The show must go on.

(Photo taken September 2021 at South Padre Island)

People say the hardest thing to do is getting started, I say the hardest thing is to stay consistent with the same motivation and focus that got you started. It's all in the mind to be honest, you can chose what can get to you and what can't. For me personally, it's the emotional part. It's the things that break my heart the ones that keep me in bed Saturday mornings, the ones that keep me up late tearing, and makes it easy to just give up and walk away on what has cost me so much pain and sweat.

Life hasn't been easy for some time now but you have to remember why you started, why you are doing this and that no matter how many things change in your life, you have to keep going. Heart break, disappointment, setbacks, they're all going to show up as soon as you start trying to work on yourself. Sometimes, you have to do this alone and that's okay. So many people would love to see you fail, to see you give up and get out of their way. I am not one to have bad intentions, just naïve enough to let myself be played with and never say no. Perhaps this is why I haven't reached a level of happiness where I am satisfied, but hey, I learned and am genuinely still learning. My reasons to keep going and my personal boundaries are at an all time high. This is hard to do without losing empathy, respect and love. It is possible however, and I am going to continue the remaining part of this 6 month journey focused, without social media and stay in contact with only those that desire me to succeed.

With that said, lets continue the journey. Since this has been the most emotional month of the year for me (hate being a cancer I swear) it’s only appropriate to open up my emotions. This is the story that changed my life.

PART I

When I was in high school, I reached my peak in body weight, the heaviest I have ever been: 215 lbs. I've always had more less a good ratio as to where my body fat and mass would settle so people thought I was in the football team. Here are some photos:

(Photos taken from 2006-2007 in Brownsville, Tx.)

When I was a freshman in High School, I was the most shy person in the room, quiet, pensive but alert. This was because of my size, and low self esteem, I just didn't want to be the center of attention or get in trouble for that matter. For a while, I was happy unbothered but as I drew closer to friends and classmates, it was only a matter of time before they realized my talents and the friendly person I was. I became popular despite being quiet because of how nice I was to others, I even gained friendship with trouble makers because I always did my homework, had high grades and well, they needed answers and help.

At that time I had three close friends that I gained that first year. One of them, Jose, was the closest. We had similar interests and always had a blast, he only lived some blocks away and he had his own car so he was my ride. He loved to speed, drift and race. It was always adrenaline with him but I liked the thrill so I just went with it, even though I was the complete opposite. I remember when Tokyo Drift came out, he was all about it. Then some time later, I was sort of peer pressured by some of my friends to go out with a girl that liked me and I went for it. Life was good, freshman year was a success but summer changed the game for me and I guess it changed those around me too.

My girlfriend, Sol, worked during the summer, she lived across the border so she always needed a ride for work and for school. Jose would help me out to see her sometimes, but with time Sol and I weren't as close anymore since we were used to seeing each other everyday. I was bummed because I knew that we weren't going to last into the new school year. I told Jose how I felt and he tried to distract me with exercise and other stuff, up until he started doing drugs that summer. I remember one time he went to pick me up but had some girl friends tagging along. When I got in the car in the backseat, the door barely closed and he said "Damn Juan, you need to lose some weight!" The girls then laughed, as if he had lost his 20 lbs from exercise and not from drugs. I hung out less and less with him as well as Sol. I suppose things weren't going to be the same sophomore year, but as a kid, I was already used to moving on to new friends when circumstances or residence changed.

School started and I didn't see either Jose or Sol, up until the end of the day. I ran into Sol on my way to the school bus and I said those famous words, "we need to talk." She already knew what it was about but little did I know what she was about to tell me. She told me that she would ask Jose to pick her up and drop her off throughout the summer, so much that they both ended developing feelings for each other and well, ended up having sex. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I had been lied to my face all summer. Many things started making sense at that moment. I had felt like I wasn't good enough and my self esteem had dropped, not to mention the sad phase I went through. I've always been a calm person and as much as it hurt to know both betrayed me, I didn't react to that and just said, "I suppose it's best we part our ways." I remember I cried myself to sleep that night and well, the year passed without me speaking a word to either one. I moved on and focused on school. I lost some weight that year by bike riding, playing soccer and by running, but it wasn't all too significant.

By the end of the sophomore year I strengthened my friendship with new friends and some old ones too, I looked somewhat better and I met a new group of friends. We were all different so we all felt like outcasts, misfits, who were popular enough to hang around the school, but remained loyal to each other. We called ourselves, the Shitbags (lol I know) and our motto was "Fuck it", influencing our choices if we didn't know whether or not to "go for it". This was a new phase in my journey, this is really what changed me physically and mentally. Find out more about these outcasts, their influence in me and how I lost 50 lbs in 6 months during my junior year, just in time to blossom for my graduation! 😄🙌

Stay tuned for October's blog- Part II: The Misfits (right on time for Halloween).

(Sneak Peak of me at 165 lbs. Picture taken between 2008 and 2009)