Know Your Worth

We all have the ability to develop confidence and have an optimistic view of ourselves. It all starts with understanding yourself as a person, accepting yourself unconditionally, practicing self-love, recognizing that you no longer need to please other people and taking full responsibility for your life.

(selfie from Sept 27th, 2020)

You are not an object that someone can just use and abuse. For many years I was victim of manipulation and low self esteem. This was in part because of my physique and the fear of losing someone due to emotional traumas. It's not easy getting out of this rut, especially if we are emotionally attached to the person inflicting this abuse.

"They're not that way, I know them, I know who they really are" or "I love them so much that I overlook all their hurtful words and actions" is just a way to cover up, disguise their actions and veil your own self from the truth. The truth is that what started as a beautiful friendship or relationship, is now a threat to your own mental health and it needs to be addressed. Studies show that mental and emotional abuse often lead to depression, anxiety and suicide. In 78% of adults, there were no symptoms, yet treatment was still needed for a healthy mental state. So this explains why sometimes, we feel that it's fine, that it's okay, but it's not. This, friends, is a silent killer. Perhaps not physically in most cases, as suicide rate is 4.7%, but it is a killer of our dreams, our goals and ultimately of ourselves as a person and our full potential. We are alive and we are worthy of knowing what each of our potential is. So it's time to acknowledge where we're at and if we already realized that this is a toxic, hurtful, situation, know that the most beautiful part of this process is that there are so many people who will embrace you, for who you are. Not the oppressed version of you, but the BEST version of yourself.

It often starts by realizing that you're mistreated, that you're not growing and you're unhappy. Then later you realize the ratio of the people you're missing out on for trying to save just one person. Lastly, you look at yourself in the mirror and see the silent battles you've fought, the brave person you are, and how tired you've become from being stuck in this situation. It feels like a grape that has been out in the sun for months and has dried up, robbed of it's life and it's nectar. A grape that had the full potential of becoming part of a marvelous and tasty wine but is now a raisin in a carton box, sealed and put away just to land on a bland oatmeal breakfast at Starbucks for some careless driver. Don't become a dry, irritated, regretful version of you. Be wise and rise up from this unfairness! If there is one thing more sad to see in this world is to realize the potential of someone and seeing it go to waste. While I was there for some time, I am living proof that there IS a way out.

First things first: Yourself. Why do you keep lying to yourself that everything is alright, so that you don't lose this job, this friendship, this person? You are becoming an accomplice to what is being done to you. You are accepting it and what's worst, you are covering it up. You being the victim is now questionable, because your actions have shown you as a perpetrator. However, I'm not here to put you down with words, but rather help you reason as to why you're there! I know, it's hard, you've been here for a while, but the first step is for you to realize this and take decisive action. You need to get up and say "Enough". You've been patient, you've been loving, caring, nobody is going to take that away from you. You know how much you've taken and that is your divine right to know. Now you need to focus on you and what makes you feel less, not worthy of better treatment and environment. Then once you tackle these things, be ready to say "No", "I'm good thanks" or "Here is my two weeks notice". This might take people by surprise, or might just confirm that you weren't as important in their life as you made them in yours. So get up, dust yourself off and be excited, this is a new you.

Now, it's time to set realistic short term and long term goals. Your determination is going to set up your pace, so be ambitious! There is no limit to what you can do with this. Setting the pace is important because it will generate momentum and thus create motion towards your goals. This will result in positive changes that will create a sense of power, transformation and confidence within you. Results will speak for themselves and you'll be happy that life is finally moving forward. You just have to show up every day and be consistent. This however, does not mean that the dark shadow from your past won't show up at your doorstep for another opportunity. While it's true that sometimes, people realize they weren't the best person to you or gave you the opportunity you deserved. Most of the time, its a trap. It is like a herd of sheep in which amongst them is a wolf in sheep covering, waiting for the right moment to attack its prey. It's sad, but it happens, because you are a genuine good person and they know you are weak and easy to be used. But are you? I hope that by now, although your heart might tell you otherwise, you've grown enough to know that you are finally working for yourself and reaching your goals and that even if this person has changed, it cannot take away your focus or control. The moment you do, you've jumped right back into the same hole that made you feel worthless.

All or nothing thinking in this type of situations is common. Either all with them or not at all and this isn't balanced, in fact it's a depressive trait. This train of thought promotes depression because we feel that without them we are nothing. That's not true, we need to create balance here and realize that they are not your responsibility and life with or without them continues. You are responsible for your own self and it's up to you alone to become strong and successful. I'm not here to tell you to break up, or to ditch, much less to quit your job (I have to say this, otherwise you can hold me accountable lol). I'm here to tell you that you can learn to be complete, just by yourself, enjoy to be alone and see life in a balanced way. Healing your trauma is also an important step but I'll save that for another blog. What I want you to do, is appreciate how far you've come, to see how unique you are! Whether you're happy with your physique or not, your profession or life at the moment. You are the type of friend that everyone needs but doesn't know yet. Sure, you will be looking good and feeling great as you get closer to your goals, if you're not there already, but don't let anyone lower your standards. Don't let anyone treat you as inferior. Like you, they didn't exist 100 years ago, they all get sick and one day everyone will die, we are all the same.

So love yourself and what you do. You are unique and you can attain anything you want if you believe it, follow through and never give up. Refine your skills, do good deeds, do all the things you've always wanted to do but didn't because you were limited or not allowed. Channel your pain into art, talents, turn your tears into laughter, smile, be creative, live! You are only here once and anything in your life not lighting your passion is a waste of time and energy. Trust me when I say that it does get better and soon you'll find yourself in a position that you didn't think would be achievable. In a position to look back without pain. At a level where you can help others and understand what they’re going through. You can do all this and more because it isn’t over, you are just beginning. All if you stick to the plan, maintain a clear focus and Know Your Worth.